Abstract: We present compelling evidence that the expansion of the universe following the Big Bang represents not merely an astronomical phenomenon but the original and primal PUMP. Using data from the James Webb Telescope, several dumbbells, and 6 months of personal gym observation, we conclude with 99.7% confidence that Everything Is Pump. Implications are discussed. All of them are pump.

Abstract: N=2,400 participants were randomized to (1) actual pumping, (2) thinking about pumping, (3) thinking about thinking about pumping, or (4) control (no pump). Primary outcome: pump. All groups showed significant pump vs baseline (p<0.0001). Group 3 unexpectedly outperformed Group 1 in 3 of 5 pump metrics, suggesting cognitive pump may exceed physical pump under certain conditions. This overturns 30 years of pump science. We are still processing this.

Abstract: We introduce the concept of Gock Pump (GP) — defined as "the pump arising specifically from the gock, and which is of greater intensity and unknown origin than any other pump type." We conducted a systematic review (n=0 prior papers, as this concept did not exist before this paper). Using a novel GP Assessment Scale (GPAS) developed by our group over approximately 20 minutes, we quantified GP in 1,200 subjects. Findings: GP is real. GP is measurable. GP is "a lot." All subjects who self-reported pumping the gock showed significantly elevated pump markers vs. controls (p<0.0001). We recommend immediate reclassification of gock pump as a primary pump type. The gock itself was unavailable for comment.

Abstract: We tracked 10,000 individuals who visited pumpingzone.geocities.com between 1999 and 2026. At 27-year follow-up, 97.3% reported sustained pump. 2.6% could not be contacted (presumed at gym). 0.1% reported no pump, however this was determined to be measurement error.